I love reiki, so when my friend said she had recently gone to a lady in our neighborhood and it was a great experience, I set up an appointment with the woman right away. I've been stressed, I've been slacking on yoga, and I've been feeling like old stuck Jen, so I thought this could be a good kickstart to getting me back into the right headspace.
It was supposed to be an hour and a half, but three hours later I walked out with tears in my eyes, heart hopeful and determined to reapply myself. That alone is a lot to take in. So, what was my takeaway?
First, it can no longer be a coincidence that I need to be creating to be happy. If one person says it, it's easy to brush off; two can be a coincidence; three maybe you start to pay attention; but after several people in various fields from all walks of life have told me the same things over and over, it's pretty hard to ignore. I've always been a writer at heart. Whether I'm awesome or I suck, it's what I love. And I need to do more of what I love. In the spirit of a painter friend of mine who just completed 365 days of drawings, I challenged myself to 365 days of writing. Maybe it won't happen...but I won't know unless I try. Here's to day one.
Why the tears? Well, why not the tears. I am stressed. I went from four months of doing whatever the hell I wanted to working full time again. I went from doing yoga almost every day to not at all. I also went from being settled to somehow thinking that slowly moving into my boyfriend's apartment would be way better than doing it all in one day and getting it over with. (Opposite. The opposite is true. I'm currently typing with my laptop on an ironing board and using it as a table for dinner as well. Why? My table hasn't made the painfully slow move yet.)
But it's not just that stress. It's taking all of the keepsakes I have of my grandmother's and deciding what should go into storage and what should come to the new place. Everytime I tried to pack something away, I'd burst into tears. So that means that 99.9% of the stuff made the move. Except for a giant portrait of my grandparents. And it breaks my heart that it's in a box right now. So when the energy healer asked if I was close to my grandmother because she got a sense that an older lady with a great sense of humor was hanging around, I lost it. But again, being the third person who knew nothing of grams to tell me that, it's good to know grams is hanging around and looking out for me. But god I miss her with every fiber of my being every day.
Through all of this, I'm ever hopeful because, yes, transition is hard. And this has certainly been the year of transitions. I am exhausted, but this too shall pass. With each massive change my life has only gotten better. So if I can manage to finish this move, get my ass to a yoga class, and stick to doing what I know I love, life will start to feel a lot lighter again. If I can sprinkle some meditation in there, even better. But right now, I could really just use some sleep.