Chapter 2: Narcissus Lives In Jersey City

A night at the beer garden, watching the 2009 World Series, introduced me to Anthony. Oddly enough he had the same name as Thom Thumb (shocker right? His name wasn't actually "Thom Thumb"). I thought "Hey, maybe Anthony will be a theme for me this year." "You’re name’s not Anthony, I’m sorry, I can’t give you my phone number." This story ended a few days later, which could be considered progress since Thom Thumb only made it 24 hours.

I took interest in him because we had the same shoes on – laceless Converse. It was a conversation starter. I talked to him for maybe twenty minutes total that night, and within that time I think he told me his age about three times. He’s 38. Aside from his age and how young he felt he looked, we did cover the topic of food. I had said his sweater reminded me of pumpkin muffins, and like I mentioned before, I have the eating habits of a child. I don’t like plants; aside from peas, corn, potatoes and lentils. Although I don’t know if a lentil qualifies as a plant. Is a bean a plant? Anyway, Anthony let me know that he loves plants - especially lettuce. He told me with a little too much confidence that, "Oh… I eat about three heads of lettuce a week. That’s why I look so young! I’m 38." I didn't have the best feeling about this one, but figured I would give it at least one date. Maybe he was nervous and that's why he was prattling on. I've done it; I think we all have.

A few days later at brunch, I realized it wasn't nerves; Anthony was entirely too interested in himself, which made me not at all interested in him. Some highlights from my time with him: he didn't take off his sunglasses once during our meal, he skipped his high school reunion because he had a cold sore, and he had a bicycle crew. Yes, bicycle. He had dubbed them the "Handsome Devils." They all had matching bicycles, in different colors. There's really not much more to be said about that, maybe just an eye roll and a mildly disapproving head shake. Brunch was brief, and as we walked away from the restaurant, him back to his car, me back to the pier, I waited until he was out of sight - and deleted his number. It was a bad week for Anthonys.