Boobies, Boys, and Bitches

This past weekend in teacher training I learned that I am still not quite doing downward dog correctly. Granted, I may have been overcompensating because it had been pointed out before, but anyway, still not right. Seems I round too much in my thoracic spine, which is pretty much the exact opposite of what I thought I was doing. I also learned that this arch is a good little indicator of osteoporosis and becoming a little old hunched back lady. So that got me walking around for the rest of the day with my shoulders rolled back and standing tall. 

After a couple of hours with proper posture, I realized it's not just uncomfortable because of how the muscles have weakened from not being engaged, but it's also uncomfortable because I feel exposed. That's why in yoga backbends are also known as heart openers. They help you practice vulnerability. When you're in a backbend you're leading with your heart, not tucking it away. But practice this enough and it can make you more emotionally open and more compassionate. But if you've spent years protecting your heart, it's not so easy to just let it shine. 

I remember a few years ago trying to get into camel. It was too much for me and I would panic. My heart would race, my breathing would become shallow, and I'd have to come out of it. One day my teacher said to me, "Just drop back. Nothing is going to happen to you." I realized he was right and the pose became one of exhilaration instead of a place of fear.

We all live with a lifetime of weight from spats with our friends, spats with people who aren't our friends, relationships that came and went, job stress, and for some of us, the unique challenges that come with boobies. Seriously. I remember them being pointed out from the second they made their awkward little appearance on my chest. The first instinct then is to round the shoulders forward and try to make the chest look flatter. Well, it was mine anyway. But all of that, life in general, can make it hard to not want to protect yourself, which can physically express itself as rounded shoulders. Couple that with sitting in front of a computer all day, like many of us do, and there can be a lot of work to do on that heart opening. 

I can't imagine a better time for me to be in teacher training and to be exactly where I am in my life right now. I think about the other times I considered getting more involved with yoga and they just weren't the right times. I wasn't ready. So while my downward dog could use some work, I've realized it's the perfect time to work on it because life is good. In fact, life is pretty great. I am safe and I don't have the negativity that used to seem to hover everywhere—you know, all that stuff that the hunched shoulders were trying to keep out. 

What about you? Take a moment to sit up straight. Lift your shoulders up towards your ears and then roll them back and down. Sit. Breathe. How does it feel? Are you uncomfortable? If so, why? 

I think a lot of us can work on this. And then maybe we'd all be a little nicer to each other and to ourselves. :)