Desktop Shark Attack

Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycocks. This shark, swallow you whole. No shakin', no tenderizin', down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.

Google Off!

This is going to catch on, mark my words. Ok, maybe not. But for those of you bored at the office... We developed Google Off, a test of your internet sleuth skills and a gauge of your sense of humor. One of you picks a word. Then through a Google Image search, you choose one image result as your submission.

The rules, as developed by my colleague are:
1. Scoring done on multiple levels
a.) humorous
b.) uniqueness
c.) relevance

2. Vote on who wins - in the event you do not a agree - a third party will need to get involved (preferably one who is unbiased)

3. Pictures have to be such that you could pull them up in work and not get fired

4. Results must be returned within one hour of game start; or game is considered null and void - but only one entry per participant

5. 5 points awarded to each winner

6. Prizes - reward points can be cashed in for things such as "starbucks" or "lunch" or "candy", etc

7. Picture must be a result of the google image search based upon the agreed upon word

Rules are subject to change. "You missed it" will not be held liable for any fist fights, dance offs, or other misdirected anger in losing a round of Google Off. Google Off should not be played immediately before bedtime. Be sure you have at least eight hours to devote to sleep before becoming active. You should not engage in any activity after playing Google Off that requires complete alertness, such as driving a car or operating machinery. You should use extreme care when engaging in these activities the morning after playing Google Off. Do not use alcohol while playing Google Off. Most games carry some risk of dependency. Do not play Google Off for extended periods without first talking to your Boss. Side effects may include unpleasant taste, headache, drowsiness and dizziness. Do not play Google Off if you are pregnant or may become pregnant.

Wild Cock.

Ants in My Pants

"Of all the people I know, that would happen to you," my friend says. I was attacked by ants. Tiny black ants. It was a nice summer evening, and my feet were itching. I didn't think much of it since I was wearing long pants and figured it was the pants brushing against my feet. After a few minutes I look down to see I am standing in an onslaught of ants and am covered up to my knees. At this point, I do what I felt was more reasonable... I ran around in circles swatting at my legs yelling "ANTS!" After I get them all off and calm down I notice my legs are itching. To which I realize, Oh god, they are in my pants. I get upstairs, rip my pants off, and yes, there were ants in my pants. So now I'm still freaking out and yelling, "I have ants in my pants!" Once all ants were gone I saw that I had been bitten up and down my legs. Awesome. So I had tiny ant bites - everyone swears blank ants don't bite... Really? ok. My legs beg to differ. I now jump when I see ants.