It's been a shitty couple of months. There's really no other way to describe it. Just shitty. I guess "shit show" could also be a fitting classification.
I've been doing little things to try to get out of this seemingly inescapable hole—yoga almost everyday, I started writing a book (something I've always wanted to do so yay!), and I've picked up my camera and started shooting again. All the things that used to make me happy. Hopefully, each in their own small way, they are giving me the stepping stones I need back to a time when everything was possible. I mean, it was only a year and a half ago, surely I can find my way back.
So anyway, I've been finding joy in the small things that occur in my daily existence. Today I woke up to rain, but was actually excited about it. My friend's husband had fixed my broken headlight and installed a new windshield wiper for me last Friday. Yes, just one. The store was out of the passenger side wiper, but my side was all better, and since I'm the one driving I considered it just fine. For the first time, I'd get to see just how good this new wiper was that he had spoken so highly of, and I was happy about that.
The walk to the car in the drizzle wasn't even terrible because it was finally warm out. This winter, much like the shit storm, has been relentless...but it's finally lifting. I made it to my car just in time for the drizzle to become a light rain when lo and behold! I had a flat tire.
My heart sank a little and I was once again feeling defeated by the endless kicks in the gut from the universe (I mean, that WOULD explain all the stomach pain). I don't really believe in God and, well, if there is a God, him and I are going to have a long chat at the end of this life that will likely start with me giving him the finger. Regardless, I blamed him for my morning.
I emailed a friend with a picture of my flat tire and said, "Good morning! God hates me." He responded, "Maybe God doesn't hate you. Maybe he just hates tires." And with a laugh, I was once again on track. Thank you, friend.