Apr 24, 2020

Today, I Just Can't

How to stay calm during a pandemic. Teach your toddler Spanish. Today’s COVID-19 death count increases. Get an hour of exercise every day. Have Zoom classes with your kids. Dead nursing home residents found in shed on property. How to find work / life balance. Lockdown recipes for full bellies. COVID-19 could cause more than 26 million hospitalizations. How to stay productive working from home. The lessons you should be teaching your kids. Don’t worry about screen times during quarantine. States decide whether or not to reopen. Moral fatigue. News fatigue. Pandemic fatigue. Social distancing. Physical distancing. Masks. Gloves. Peak.

I am hitting a wall. Somewhere between having to tell my daughter at least seven times a day I can’t play “Princesses” because I have to get some work done and realizing I haven’t actually showered in two days, things are starting feel heavier. It’s nothing at all and it’s everything at once. It’s guilt and frustration and worry and exhaustion and we carry on. Except we don’t know how long we have to go on like this or what life will look like on the other side?

Will we come out a single-income family? When will school start and what does that look like? Is my daughter going to resent me for having to work while she is home? And what about all the art projects I talk about with her but can never seem to find the time to actually do? Am I modeling a strong mother who works or am I creating a daughter that feels less important than she should? When is there a break? When it did all bubble up so much that I feel like the next little thing is going to be the thing that makes me crack? And why is whether or not you should drink bleach even a fucking news headline?

I am hitting a wall.

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